Strong Fathers Strong Daughters
I bet you will agree that there is a troubling trend of fatherlessness in America today. This article “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, will help you be a better father to your daughter.
You will discover:
- Great ways to connect with your daughter
- Activities you can do together with your daughter
- Ideas on how to understand your daughter.
- How being a strong father strengthens your daughter
So many men are often self-absorbed, and either abandon their role as fathers altogether or abandon their responsibilities as one.
Fatherlessness has become a scourge on our nation.
While this article “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters” is about raising girls, the problem of fatherlessness knows no bounds. The tragic results affect millions of children across our entire nation.
So, why write an article on raising daughters?
There seems to be a more natural connection between fathers and sons because men better understand how to raise boys. But we can use all the help we can get when it comes raising our daughters.
Strong Fathers Strong Daughters
Prescott Williamson offers some valuable insight on “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters” and how a father can raise a courageous daughter.
“Have you ever tried plugging your charger into the wall when it’s dark? That is what it’s like raising a daughter. I hear you thinking…just turn on the light! Just like simply turning on the light sounds easy enough, raising a strong daughter should be simple. But for me, it is very hard.
Here are three ways I found to help raise a strong daughter.
Expose her to male-dominated activities. If you change the oil yourself, bring her with you and teach her. If you are watching the football game, have her sit next to you or in your lap, and explain to her what is going on.
If there is something broken in your house that you fix, or you need to change a tire, have her tag along. That way she can see why these things bring you joy, or why they are so frustrating to have happened. The benefits of her knowing are astronomical.
Let her see you be afraid, and then let her see you overcome that fear. I read a story about a guy that came face to face with a shark. He punched this shark in the nose and swam away. Meanwhile, I saw a small spider in my bathroom, and now I shower at the gym. Yes, I am terrified of spiders.
But she is going to see me be afraid of that spider, and then she will see me walk over there and pick it up in a paper towel and get rid of it.
I am always afraid of knowing if I am raising her right, but as long as I have God on my side I will be able to do it afraid. She will be able to get stronger seeing me get stronger in my fears.
Pass on good traits to her, but you can’t pass on traits you do not possess. We had a disagreement the other day and she talked back and disrespected me.
The old me wanted to wait until she left for school that morning, log onto her Minecraft account and destroy her village. That would show her who the adult is here.
The new Christian me did not want her to possess the trait of being petty. I wanted to pass on the trait of being the bigger person.
I want her to possess the trait of forgiveness. I want her to possess all the fruits of the spirit. I want her to love like Jesus loves and have compassion like him.
I can’t pass on these things if I do not know them or even practice them. This will help her be strong. I know it will.
I want her to know who she is in Christ. I want her to learn that Jesus plus nothing equals everything. Knowing that will make and keep her strong.
When I fully understand this then the light will come on and then it will be so much easier to plug that charger into the wall.”
Thank you, Prescott, for your thoughtful input on “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, and for your transparency as a dad.
We would like to encourage our readers to check out Prescott’s Blog.
Next, as we consider the idea of “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, we will learn about the importance of building the confidence and courage of our daughters.
With the rise of toxic feminism and the prominent disregard for biblical womanhood, our daughters need our encouragement in that direction.
Brad Klassen gives us plenty to think about when it comes to raising girls in the troubled culture in which we live.
He asks the question, “In a world where girls are being influenced by many different voices, how do we as Christian fathers raise our daughters to become the strong women they long to be?
I believe that we can learn how to be great fathers by looking at a great father figure who raised one of the strongest women in the Bible.
Without a doubt, when it comes to asking who the strongest women of the Bible are, Esther is on that list. The book of Esther documents the political time of the Jews under King Xerxes. It also tells of the unique relationship between Esther and her cousin, Mordecai, who raised her.
Mordecai wasn’t just anybody. According to 2 Kings 24:14, when Nebuchadnezzar raided Israel, he carried all Jerusalem into exile: all the officers and fighting men, and all the skilled workers and artisans—a total of ten thousand. Only the poorest people of the land were left.
The fact that Mordecai was in Susa and not in Israel suggests that he came from a family of wealth and influence. This is also supported by him having a place at the king’s gate among the royal officials (Esther 2:19, 3:2).
By looking at Mordecai’s life, we as fathers can learn 4 things in raising strong daughters. Mordecai understood the times they were in and was concerned for Esther in a pagan system.
In Esther 2:10-11, we read that Esther did not reveal her identity under Mordecai’s advice and he stayed near the courtyard to find out what was happening to her.
Let’s be honest. There are many aspects of our culture that are not moving towards God, and our daughters are in the thick of it. Are we as dads keeping an eye on the times we live in and how it will affect our daughters?
What’s on our TVs? What about school? Do we know what is happening during their school day? He pushed her when she needed it.
In Esther 4:13-14, Mordecai gives his great challenge to Esther. He knew what she needed to do and pushed her towards it.
Make this age-appropriate, but are we helping our daughters grow in responsibility? Maybe it’s with household chores, in having a pet, babysitting, or teaching them to drive.
Are we helping our daughters see themselves as women who have the strength to do what they are called to do?
He trusted her in her planning.
In Chapter 4:16-17, Esther took hold of her calling, she developed a plan and asked for support. And what did Mordecai do?
He trusted her call. He didn’t push for his timing.
Are we trusting and supporting their ideas and insight into things? Do we hear that our daughters have a voice? Do they know that we are in their corner, supporting and encouraging them?
He is not seen as the main character. We all know it as the “Book of Esther”, not the “Heroism of Mordecai”. He worked behind the scenes. He had to let go and trust her as she went forward in her life.
Are we willing to take a back seat so that our daughters can shine in the spotlight? Are we able to let them go to be all who God is calling them to be?
Mordecai was a man of wisdom and courage. He was a man who used his influence in his time. But his greatest use of influence was in his own home.
We need to do the same as we help our daughters go from princesses to queens.”
A big thanks to Brad Klassen for these powerful lessons from the Book of Esther, they are certainly relevant to this “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters” article.
Tim throws us a curve ball when he tells us that – “I’ve met a few guys in life who like to “play the field” as they say. Guys who are interested in dating several women at once. I used to think this was a bad thing, but I think I figured out how to use it to my advantage.
Some guys just go on random dates with random girls. They never get to know any of them and often they only have one thing in mind.
These guys often find themselves in the same spot years down the road with unfulfilling lives, because they never experience a deep quality relationship. That being said, this model seems to not work.
Then there are the guys with guts. Guys who are actually dating multiple women at the same time. Dudes who think that women are stupid and it will never catch up with them.
They think that as long as they are not seen by their other dates or call their dates the wrong name, that they will play the field successfully. I think women are smarter than that, so let me tell you my angle.
The three women who I date are my wife and my two daughters. So this is not as exciting as you may think if you took the click bait. But you’re already into this short article with me, so you might as well finish it.
Every couple weeks I take one of my daughters on a date. They are usually short, in town, and often involve breakfast food. Every once in a while though, I take one of these little ladies somewhere special and we spend a little more money or do some bigger activity.
When I do this I usually take them out as individuals. Does this make it any cheaper? No, it actually takes more money and more time to give each of them a special date with dad. But I think it’s worth it in the end.
My plan is to instill in them what a date should be like. Not the date itself particularly but the kind of guy they are going to want to spend time with.
My goal with what we call “daddy dates” is to make my behavior on the dates the standard which they will look for in a young gentleman one day.
Now, taking them out, spending money on them, and spending time with them is just beginning. Here are three things that I do on these dates to help them realize how they should be treated one day by a young gentleman.
First, I want to make them the center of my attention. This seems easy enough but in the age of smartphones and long work hours, it is not easy. Many time work, friends, and entertainment are at our fingertips.
It’s easy to just pick up our phones and think, “well, I’m just spending two minutes of my time it’s not that big a deal.”
In Ephesians chapter five men are told how to love their wives. I think the same principles can be for someone who is dating.
When I look through that chapter I see that I am supposed to be sacrificing for my wife. One way we can do that is with giving our daughters our time and attention.
One day when a young gentleman thinks he is interested in my daughter I want him to be interested in her. I want him to be focused on her when he spending time with her. I want him to be committed while in that relationship.
Second, I want to be gentle with them. I Peter 3:7 actually says that if a man is not gentle with his wife God won’t listen to that man’s prayers. That passage calls us to be understanding with our wives.
How can I be understanding and gentle with my daughters on a date? I realize that they are not me. With them, I am gentle and gracious that they might eat slower than I do and be messier than I am. I can model the understanding and gentleness that I hope they will look for in a mate one day.
I also can listen to them. If I want to understand my wife so that I can be gentle with her, I need to listen to her. The same can be done with my daughters.
I can listen to them and ask questions of them in order to get to know them better and understand why they think and feel the way they do in life.
The third thing is this simply show them, love. This may be one of the easiest tasks. We really can show love through giving them our attention and being gentle with them.
Part of being a loving is how we speak to them. Another way of being loving might be being patient with the time it takes for them to get ready to go on the date.
If we truly love our daughters we well show that to them in a variety of ways. As we love them, they will feel loved. We make sure they know that we’re not just taking them on a date as a part of our checklist, but that we do so because we love them and truly care for them.
I try to take my daughters on “daddy dates“ about once every month or two. If I can keep this pace I will have taken them on over 100 dates by the time they graduate high school.
This allows me the chance to model to them 100 different times of how a gentleman should treat them. As I modeling attention, gentleness, understanding, and love I hope that one day that’s what they will expect out of their dates.
If you are a father with daughters, do you take them on dates? Do you think that “dating” your daughters will have an effect on who they choose to date when they are older? What other attributes, other than what I listed, do you think you should model for them?”
Tim, your thoughtful input on “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, and your inspiring example, should motivate everyone that reads this article. We here at Active Manhood wish you and your family all the best!
Next, as we continue this article on “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, we will hear from another great and godly blogger, Scott Means, from “Heaven Made Marriage“. He gives us some significant insight on “The Father’s Love”
Scott begins by telling us, “I am the father of three grown daughters, each strong women in their own right. What did I do to help make them grow up strong? I’m not sure I can take much credit for how they turned out, but I believe it all comes down to them being secure in love.
I think strength, particularly in women, is not necessarily what our society at large dictates, which is that a strong woman must be assertive, tough, and even aggressive.
They must compete with men on their level and eschew femininity. Basically, society says the strong women must be men.
But I don’t look at it that way at all. To me, strength is not so much about what one displays on the outside, but what they believe on the inside.
The identity I always tried to convey to my girls was that of much-loved daughters of the Most High King, cherished by their Heavenly Father.
While my love for them often fell short of the perfect and selfless love of God, my wife and I always tried to remind them of how God sees them and what the grace bestowed on them through Jesus means for their true identity.
That means helping them understand what it means to be both a beloved child of God and the bride of Christ.
First and foremost, their strong sense of identity has to come from being completely secure in love, both my love and the love of God.
Knowing that they are loved unconditionally means they don’t need to try to earn my love (or God’s love) by their conformance to a certain set of expectations or behaviors.
It means they always have a safe place to go when they mess up where they can find healing and restoration.
Being secure in love makes you powerful on the inside, so you don’t have to prove your power or strength through external means. A woman who is secure in love can be respectful, yet honest and genuine.
She can be humble, yet confident in her skills and abilities. She can be generous with her love because she knows that she is first and foremost a beloved.
I’m reminded of Peter’s words about the centrality of love:
1 Peter 4:8 “And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.”
My reading of this passage as it relates to raising my girls is that if I get love right, it makes up for a whole lot of other shortcomings I may have had as a father.
Making sure that my daughters grew up secure in my love (and the love of their Heavenly Father) probably did more to strengthen them than anything else I could have done.”
Scott, as we have considered “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”, your emphasis on “The Father’s Love” has been a challenging reminder to us all, to reflect our Heavenly Father’s love to our daughters. Thanks!
We have already had so many great ideas to think about regarding “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”.
Stuart shares with us that, “I look at my daughter and I am amazed at the young women she is turning into.
She is beautiful, talented and has a heart of gold. And yet, there are several occasions where I have to catch myself. Do you want to know why? I’m scared.
What father, wouldn’t be scared in this day and age? There is so much violence and unrest in this world.
There are things that are so readily available to our daughters that we don’t want them to see much less participate in.
But, how will our daughters have the strength to withstand the alluring temptations and peer pressure of teen years and early adulthood? I believe there are several things that we, as fathers, can do to help.
We must be intentional in our walk with God and walk in integrity. Come on men, we all know that our children are watching us.
They watch us as we put our faith into action or do nothing with it other than go to church on Sunday morning.
We need to be setting the example that when we, as a dad, go through tough situations we take those straight to the throne of God asking for his guidance. They need to hear us pray continually.
We can’t tell them after they come to us asking “What do I do dad?”, to give it to God, when we, ourselves, are not doing the same. Integrity!
They should be seeing us read our Bible, even leading a family Bible Study with questions for them to answer so they can grow too. They should see how God’s Word gives you a renewed sense of strength as the scriptures come alive in your life.
Our daughters watch how we interact with their mom, whether you are married to her or divorced from her, as well as with other women. We, as men and not just as a father, should treat all women with respect. You are their first example of how men treat women.
As a dad, one of the most valued assets you have is your time. And your daughter wants some of it. Give it to her freely. Do the tea parties and the dancing with her to music you are tired of hearing because she plays it over and over and over again.
Give of your time by being willing to listen, not just hear, what your daughter is saying. Give her the respect of eye contact as well.
By doing these “little” things, which are extremely big to her, you are indeed showing her that she is loved.
Go to her dance recitals, softball games, Taekwondo events or whatever extra-curricular activity she is involved in. And as she grows older she will know that you are there for her, that you support and love her. She will have the strength to come to you with her problems. For she has seen your faith in action and she trusts you.
Tell her how beautiful she is. Let her know how talented she is when she brings you something that she did herself for you to see, whether a coloring page, a puzzle she completed or that priceless homemade Birthday card she worked so hard on.
Give her praise when she accomplishes anything. I don’t care if it’s a C on a test that she studied so hard for because she just doesn’t grasp the subject. Yes, you may be disappointed but have given your time to actually help her understand.
But one of, if not, the most important things that we can do as a father is this…
Are you ready? Good!
Let her know where her true value lies. Tell her that her value is actually inside her. That her value is who she is on the inside and not in her appearance or what others think of her.
Your daughter has value and a purpose in life. She has been fearfully and wonderfully made by our Father. And it is our jobs as fathers to nurture, guide and love them into womanhood.”
Thanks, Stuart, for your heartfelt input on the subject of “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”
We have been given plenty to think about on “Strong Fathers Strong Daughters”. What powerful and practical input from some great guys with a variety of backgrounds and experience.
May the Lord use this article to help YOU raise your daughter(s) to become the biblical woman that the Lord created them to be!